my alternative reality

Sometimes I caught my self thinking back

and memories instantly live up in my brain

my eyes start to roll like a movie reel

and all the images are flushing right in front of me

In those moments I feel complete

for I ,in those moments I transcend to another dimension

a dimension where feelings are enhanced and are felt more lively

in that dimension I get to feel the pain of my heart grow bigger

I feel the sadness I felt when my relative and friends died

feeling once the vanishing every time my dreams got crushed down over and over again

I feel all the hatred I had to endure and all the badmouthing I went through

but then my life gets brighter cause in that dimension happiness is somehow real

it destroys those sad and painful moments but not before you learn new things about yourself

and what I learned is that after all that pain ; I find my heart loving again I realize my mind is not giving up on the dreams I made even though everything seem so doomed , I realize that all that hate made me a better person and made me who I am.

So I embrace that reality ,i let it trainwreck my feelings cause in the end I know I ll be stronger than before .

dark shadows

A man wakes up from his sleep

his eyes are a bit swollen

and sadness can be seen through them

he rush to the bathroom for the morning relief

he next washes his hands and take a look in the mirror

he see endless Grey shadows staring back at him

he is having his breakfast alone

alone like he is for the last 10 years

and the shadows are still around him

he decides to go for a walk in the park

he has no job anymore

he is ''alone'' and sad

he starts to walk through the park

it's nearly 6 o'clock and no much people are around

the scene feels like his life empty but calm

as he walks ,the shadows start to circle him around

one by one they are trying to penetrate his mind

they go though his ears and shake his body apart

he tries to keep them off but they always found a way to get in

he starts running fast to get away from the shadows

he never run before so he has no stamina in him

his lungs anyway are filled with the shadows

they are blocking him from breathing and not leaving him to rest

he is fighting inside but he keeps running

reaching at the end of the park he turns left to take a path he never took before

he is running uphill now and he is gasping out of air

the shadows are just behind him waiting for him to stop running

he reaches at the top of the small hill where there is a small green field

he can see some parts of the city from there but most importantly the sun

the sun shines upon his face and he can't take a light so bright

exhausted he  falls to the ground
but as he does ,the shadows slowly encircle him slowly

and they drowning him another one time  

on this christmas night

Christmas night and walking in the streets

the night is cold and raining

and me , walking with just a waterproof on

I walk through the park we used to meet

and there is no one to be found

and me , i stand and watch silently

between the town's dark streets I move

seeing families being together in their warm houses

and me ,I stop and stare

been walking for a long time now and reaching at the sea

I take my shoes of and walk till the waves touch my feet

I stop and stare upon the stars

walking through the town I come outside your house

but you are not inside ,no one is .

So I keep walking to get back home

I walk by many friends and they salute me in my path

I take one last look in the night stars and farewell my friends

while I lay back on grave .

the pale man ( inspired by Camille Saint-Saëns - Danse Macabre )

During a cold cloudy night in winter ,

inside a medieval mansion

is held a party celebrating the union of two people

someone knocks the door and ask if he may enter

he seems a bit lost but he is cold as ice

the wind outside made him look pale

He enters the room where the guests are dancing

no one notices him as he makes his way to the wine table

the people are dancing in an ethereal way like they are walking on clouds

they are all happy and enjoy their dancing

The pale man even though he is now warmed still looks cold

he then move on near the fireplace to get his hand warm

a man reaches out to him and talk him into start dancing with them

and he accepts right in the spot

At first the pale man dances alone till the fine lady of the house comes close

she asks him if he wants to dance together

and respectfully he says yes and so they begin

They start dancing slow but the lady asks the pale man to let him self go

and so he does

They pick up the pace and start dancing like a couple being together for many years

their dance is so mesmerizing that all the people around make room and let them dance

as they perform ,you can only hear the orchestra playing and the two dancing

While being in an ecstatic form the pale man does something no one else thought off

he leans and kiss the lady's neck

but that is no ordinary kiss ,for it is the kiss of death

the lady falls down dead and the pale man starts to hunt anyone he see

every guest is running for their life but the pale man one by one kiss them to death

kiss after kiss till there is no one else alive

and when the last one fall to ground the pale man sits beneath the fireplace

laughing in a sadistic way enjoying his masterpiece