hope you are lucky enough

Finding eternal love is a destination

to get that destination you ll have to take some roads

those roads might start up straight but soon you ll see curves

soon the roads will have ups and downs

there will be some bumpers and you might even find some holes as well

you will encounter road blocks and sometimes dead ends

you are going to take a failed turn and then you take another failed turn

going through dirt roads or really dark roads

sometimes you might need to create your own roads though

and sometimes you will run with 1000 miles and sometimes you go really slow

you will crush and burn and sometimes you ll be lucky to not feel that much

but keep going

cause eternal love it's worth all this trouble ,if it didn't worth it you wouldn't had to work so hard

so be patient

be strong

be open to love again and to be loved

and I wish you to find your eternal love as soon as you possibly can

or if you are lucky ,your first love will be your eternal love .

but always have in mind that no matter how many times you get hurt

when the one time is the true one ,nothing else will matter at last

for you ll be forever together with your soul and you will finally reach your destination

so my friend I wish you good luck and who knows maybe your love awaits just around the next turn or at the end of this dark road .

we humans

Sometimes all you need are few piano notes and a big imagination .

While the first notes hit you in the back of you mind and start to full It with joy and pleasure

you close your eyes and finally you are lifted up

you are no longer walking on earth but you are walking through the clouds

resting on top of a white cloud watching the sun brighter than ever before

feeling so relaxed and so calmed as you never felt like this before

and in the middle of this travel you leave you body free

you then start floating and slowly you are leaving earth

in the outer space you are now and watching down on earth

what a beautiful sight you have in front of you

the place we call home

so magnificent that you are overwhelmed by it's grace

you can see storms in one hemisphere while in the other they are not even clouds

you can see the oceans ,the mountains the continents and the countries

divided by nothing at all

only the oceans divide the continents you don't see borders

you don't see people of different race

you just see the one race , earthlings

you see that after all this wars after all this pain we created to this planet

we still haven't learned ,we still fight for something that simply has no sense what so ever

and we still separate our self from each other believing that we are better than each other

that one race is superior than the other race ,that we are even better than animals

where animals have for centuries lived together to survive

we don't try to survive though we try to dominate our planet

where our planet only seeks to provide us with a healthy environment but even that we kill it

we as humans are the biggest threat of this planet and soon enough we won't even have earth to call it our home .

setting up my foundations

When fallen deep in my depression I wished for so many times that I never missed you and more importanly never loved you

I sometimes wish I could be able not to love and not to leave my heart in danger every time

I don't know why it hurt so much more than all the heartbreaks I felt before but it did

and every day I wished it wouldn’t hurt

i wish that in a moment of my self doubt

and in a moment of my suicidal thoughts that you would arrive

like the first time you arrived to my life and filled it with light .

But then you choose to leave and you left me behind in my darkness .

I am not angry anymore and I am not in denial anymore

neither I live in an imaginary world where you and me are together and happily ever after .

When you left , you took with you my light but that helped me realize that I still didn't had my own light ,so I searched deep in my soul ,i scratched and bleed my way to find my light and so I did .

It might took me long time to do so and I might had to shed many tears but I eventually did ,

I wont say I did it alone cause thankfully I am never alone in my life even though my self destructive side tried to prove me the exact opposite of that ,numerous time in the past but my past is what made me who I am today

I am not complete I am sure about that, am still a working project but finally after 25 years

I have really found my own light and I have set my own foundations and each day from now on I ll build on those foundations ,brick by brick I ll create the life I want and you ll always be invited to join my life , as friends ,as partners os as just two people who had a summer crush ,that is up to you . Till that day you decide I ll be slowing building my own home and the people who trully love me are welcome to stay in.

for my aunt

How I wish I wouldn't had lost you

I know there was nothing I could have done to prevent it

I know that once we knew the truth , it was already in progress

we only could have slowed it down .

But I am sorry I wasn't there

I am sorry I couldn't not be there for you

I am sorry I didn't hold your hand when I should had

or kiss and hugged you when I had the chance

even at the end you still remembered who I was

and that is breaking my heart even now

I am not dreaming ,i know you are gone

I am not looking for a salvation

I know you are better off now

but even if the years pass by

I will always have you in my heart or better yet

I will always have you next to me

I just wish you know that I loved you

and I will always remember you

who is crying now ?

You seek love in the same places you lost it and then you go and start complaining about it

you so easily bypass people who could actually right for you or at least love you truly

you turn down so many people or best-friend them because they didn't ''fit'' in your standards

but who is the one complaining about not finding true love ,who is the one crying over people who don't know what love is or crying for people who didn't ''loved'' you back .Surely the people who truly tried to love you and stay by your side even after you chose to just be friends with ,they don't cry , they don't complain about not finding true love,they only care that you turn down their love but they know that the one who really miss something is you and not them .Yes you might be beautiful and you might have many experiences before but again who is alone and complaining ?

Those people don't love at random , they have been hurt before they have been truly hurt before and not the kind of hurt you thing you gone through the last time someone just didn't want you,no they have been through life changing pain .They felt so much pain in their life that there soul raised an iron wall for protection , but that wall has a door and that door opens only for the people they want to open to or for the people who are brave enough to know their door and ask to get inside.

You see after all that pain they had to be somehow protective but even then ,when they ll love someone their door is wide open for that person to walk in at any time and yet you chose to ignore that kind of love that person chose to give you. So keep crying and complaining about your ''love'' life while the people you turned down are seeking for the person who wont be afraid to love them and feel truly loved  

focus on the good side

Lots of people will write about love and write about heart breaks and pain and sorrow and all those moments they cried,  I ve rarely seen anyone writes about all the good moments in that love.
If we keep focusing on all the bad moments we are slowly becoming heartless creatures, when we only see the sad feelings, love showed us, but we ignore all those good feelings then we as creatures, we belittle our selves and we close doors to people who can actually love us again, we become distant and cold.When we focus though on the good things about love we allow our self to heal faster and become a person who can actually love and be loved trully in the future ,i know is not easy and I know is not painfree ,we all have to go through pain to do this and we ll have to find the power the survive that battle .A battle that will leave scars in the soul and they will be carried along with you till the day you die .There will be always be a war going on between us ,sometimes we ll win and sometimes we ll lose but what matters the most is when we do lose ,we must recollect our pieces and put them back together and be prepare for the next battel ,for when we ll be at our most valnuarable everything will collapse on top of us and if we are not strong enough they will bury us deep and we might not never emerge fully back to life after that . will collapse on top of us and if we are not strong enough they will bury us deep and we might not never emerge fully back to life after that .

my alternative reality

Sometimes I caught my self thinking back

and memories instantly live up in my brain

my eyes start to roll like a movie reel

and all the images are flushing right in front of me

In those moments I feel complete

for I ,in those moments I transcend to another dimension

a dimension where feelings are enhanced and are felt more lively

in that dimension I get to feel the pain of my heart grow bigger

I feel the sadness I felt when my relative and friends died

feeling once the vanishing every time my dreams got crushed down over and over again

I feel all the hatred I had to endure and all the badmouthing I went through

but then my life gets brighter cause in that dimension happiness is somehow real

it destroys those sad and painful moments but not before you learn new things about yourself

and what I learned is that after all that pain ; I find my heart loving again I realize my mind is not giving up on the dreams I made even though everything seem so doomed , I realize that all that hate made me a better person and made me who I am.

So I embrace that reality ,i let it trainwreck my feelings cause in the end I know I ll be stronger than before .