When fallen deep in my depression I wished for so
many times that I never missed you and more importanly never loved
you
I sometimes wish I could be able not to love and not
to leave my heart in danger every time
I don't know why it hurt so much more than all the
heartbreaks I felt before but it did
and every day I wished it wouldn’t hurt
i wish that in a moment of my self doubt
and in a moment of my suicidal thoughts that you
would arrive
like the first time you arrived to my life and
filled it with light .
But then you choose to leave and you left me behind
in my darkness .
I am not angry anymore and I am not in denial
anymore
neither I live in an imaginary world where you and me
are together and happily ever after .
When you left , you took with you my light but that
helped me realize that I still didn't had my own light ,so I
searched deep in my soul ,i scratched and bleed my way to find my
light and so I did .
It might took me long time to do so and I might had
to shed many tears but I eventually did ,
I wont say I did it alone cause thankfully I am never
alone in my life even though my self destructive side tried to prove
me the exact opposite of that ,numerous time in the past but my past
is what made me who I am today
I am not complete I am sure about that, am still a
working project but finally after 25 years
I have really found my own light and I have set my
own foundations and each day from now on I ll build on those
foundations ,brick by brick I ll create the life I want and you ll
always be invited to join my life , as friends ,as partners os as
just two people who had a summer crush ,that is up to you . Till that
day you decide I ll be slowing building my own home and the people
who trully love me are welcome to stay in.
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